Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
