could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
