Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
