you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
