Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
