I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
