I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
