i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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