please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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