I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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