38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
