K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
