it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
