Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
