Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
