Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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