Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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