i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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