You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
God I need to hump something, right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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