Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
