I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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