The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
