omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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