I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
