definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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