I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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