More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
