she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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