matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
