he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
