there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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