my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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