saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
