And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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