I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
