lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
