kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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