He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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