He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
