overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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