I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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