Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
