Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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