i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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