tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
