I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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