We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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