never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
