I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
