HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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