We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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