These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
