He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
