Soap is not a condiment
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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