Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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