I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
