And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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