Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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