Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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