My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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