Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
