Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
