Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
