I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
