that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cannot find my penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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