so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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