Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
