some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
