I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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