The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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