I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
