my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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