Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We have so much sex to catch up on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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