some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
