Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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