Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
